The next time you’re bidding on the 5000 piece Lego replica of the Millennium Falcon on eBay, complete with Lego Luke, Leia, Han and Chewie, type in the words “haunted rings” for shits and giggles. You will be shocked to discover there are presently over 740 rings, all haunted by ghosts, vampires, witches, genies, voodoo curses, dragon magic, winning lottery numbers, and sometimes, all of the above. In fact, I am currently in a bidding war for a ring cursed with the spell “Automatic Writing.” According to a White Witch named Sharai, the ring will serve as a medium to help ghoolies and ghosties communicate through my writing. Imagine, blog posts from the netherworld! Dead grandparents reaching out with messages like “…afterlife…blows…” and “…stop….touching….yourself…” But if channeling the deceased isn’t your cup of tea, I’m sure there’s at least one, out of the 740 magical rings up for auction on eBay, which will tickle your fancy. Here are some of the most powerful rings worth growing a wizard’s beard for.

Djinn Haunted Amazon Shaman Rei Genie Ring

This ring once belonged to a Shaman, whose tribe has been practicing magic for centuries deep in the Brazilian Amazonian jungles. The dual serpents enfolding the Amber stone are symbolic of the Encantado Djinn, an extremely powerful shape-shifting fire genie who ironically rules over an underwater paradise. They also represent both white and dark magic, giving the practitioner options. The amber in this ring “carries the vibration of universal life force.” Millions of years old, amber is basically fossilized sunlight and tree sap, which gives it “excellent light energy.”

Your New Powers

Prosperity, inner spiritual transformation, and psychic awakening.
Protective and healing powers.
Access to ancient knowledge, viewing past lives, and peering into the future.
The ability to travel to all realms. Sweet!
Bending others to your will while cloaking your own ideas.
Purpose, strength, an evolved physical reality and higher consciousness.

Haunted Carnelian Fertility Ring

Scantily clad tiny golden girl included, this ring has been blessed with moon infused waters by all thirteen members of The Coven Blackthorn. The toughest part of blessing the ring was getting thirteen witches in the same room at the same time, what with the kids’ soccer schedules and all. The ring belonged to a powerful witch named Gredle, well known for her psychic and spell casting abilities before she passed away. “No one casts a fertility spell like Aunt Gredle” they used to say.

Your New Powers

Combined with the right spell and under a waxing moon, this ring can increase your wealth, love, psychic powers, and fertility.
Enhanced passion and desire.
Purified blood.
Relieved menstrual cramps.

Marid Queen Genie Ring

The best part about this ring is that it comes with its very own hot, submissive, queen genie! The ring bearer becomes her master whom she will bestow incredible powers and unlimited success. She can smite your enemies, and genies from other rings must obey her every command. “One ring to rule them all” so to speak. She will teach you how to take control of your life and how to achieve your destiny.

Your New Powers

Knowledge of the ancients.
Hot, submissive queen genie wrapped around your finger.
Good luck forever.
Finding whatever it is you desire.
Mind control, mind reading and telepathic ability.
Hot, submissive queen genie wrapped around your finger.
Time control.
Ability to travel through space.
Ability to communicate with any spirit.
Did I mention the hot, submissive queen genie wrapped around your finger.

Gypsy Warlock Trojan Ring

You’re not going to believe this, but this ring once belonged to someone’s great aunt who passed away. The woman was a Russian Gypsy Witch and a genuine Wiccan Spellcaster. She was well versed in Voodoo spells and had dream weaver abilities. She was psychic, clairvoyant, clairaudient, a receptive empath, a medium, and could channel the three heavenly angels Metatron, Uriel, and Yannie. Metatron has always been my favorite Transformer, er, I mean angel. The ring was discovered in Scotland and is haunted with many spirits who will guide its owner towards cash. Despite popular belief, the Trojan warrior on the face symbolizes the “Trojan Wealth Spell”, and not the “Trojan Baby Stopper” spell.

Your New Powers

Ability to win at any casino table.
The ability to know which lottery machines are winning machines.
Visions of winning lottery numbers.
Ability to win raffles and drawings.

Aside from acquiring wealth, the ring’s spirits will also provide you with bonus powers such as: Opening your third eye, visions of the future, protection from enemies, healing abilities, warnings of dangers, and even protection over your pets.

Note: When a Russian Gypsy discovers a ring in Scotland with a Trojan symbol on it, you just know the spirits who haunt the ring know their way around a casino. And the seller provides bullet-proof evidence of this fact when he states “Proof of its Magick: This ring has won more than $4.6 million dollars in lottery money and prizes.” I don’t need to hear more!

And what better way to protect your magic ring than inside this haunted, cursed, evil spell deflecting, dark magic protecting, werewolf frustrating, Wicca made jewelry box?

How to tell your ring is truly magical

1. It must be displayed on the flashiest, tackiest, most colorful eBay description page possible.
2. The background should consist of at least one if not all of the following items: flashing stars, pentagrams, candles, a wolf, the moon, a wolf howling at the moon with a sky filled with flashing stars, a sparkling pixie, gargoyles, and/or a crystal ball.
3. The ring description must be written in blue, purple, or gold lettering, with occasional Gothic font. A ring is especially powerful when the lettering appears to be on fire. 4. Magic is spelled with a ‘k’ (Magick) 5. It must have been handed down from an aunt who passed away. Apparently there are no powerful witches in existence right now, and no rings belonging to the living have any magical qualities to speak of.