As pretty as snow can be, facing brutally cold temperatures, seeing my skin turn a translucent hue of mucous green and watching night fall by 4:30 in the afternoon often carries my brain to a very dark place. I am a summer girl. I like sunshine, hot, humid, sticky air, and seeing beautiful people dilly-dallying the streets half-naked. Alas, I live in a country with four seasons and will not be leaving any time soon, therefore I’ve decided there is only one way to overcome the winter-blues and that’s to immerse myself in at least one winter activity. So, after almost six years away from the slopes I’m strapping on my fluorescent yellow 1987 K2 Batman skis and letting the cool winter air put a twinge of colour back into my booger cheeks while I bomb down the hills.

But what to wear? Here are some of the hot and practical fashion trends (yes they do exist) I’ve compiled to rock the slopes in style.

Snowsuit

One of the big snowsuit trends this year is the one-piece. Though I remember making fun of these not too far back, I have to admit that they really are the most effective ways of keeping snow out and the bod nice and warm. When it comes to winter clothing I always look for quality, durability and style so I tend to stick with reputable name brands such as North Face, Burton and Columbia.

My pick:

North Face Women’s Shugga one-piece snow Suit. The Shugga one-piece is pricy ($498.95) but North Face always offers lifetime warranties and is amongst the warmest of winter-wear out there. Some of the features include:

• Waterproof breathable HyVent 2L denim and fully taped seams block wetness
• 60/80 Grams of Heatseeker insulation in torso, butt, and knees for extra warmth where you need it
• Underarm vents and Chimney Venting System in pants (thigh and gaiter vents) dump excess heat
• Leg gaiters keep snow out on deep pow days
• Adjustable waist-belt for the right fit
• Lycra hand cuffs bridge the gap between cuffs and gloves

Boots

Whether I’m on the hill or cozying up at a ski lodge, sipping a yummy alcoholic beverage to warm my tummy, I like to walk around in a lightweight and warm pair of ski boots. Ski boots represent a considerable investment but they’re not the place to trim your ski budget. Look for a boot that provides comfort, but that keeps the foot secure. If the foot is not secure you will lose mechanical advantage while skiing.

My pick:

The Salomon Foil Ski boot. It’s gotten excellent reviews. Very comfortable, highly adjustable, lightweight, buckles easily and retains warmth.

Goggles

One of the most important pieces of equipment for any snowboarder or skier is a quality pair of ski goggles. They protect your eyes from the snow in harsh conditions and keep them from tearing while you are going down the hill. If you wear a helmet then look for a pair of goggles that are helmet compatible.

My pick:

Smith Anthem Goggles. They are the top rated and most popular ski goggles for women. The design best fits women’s facial features, which means no sliding off your face. The Smith goggles are helmet compatible and they come with a protective microfiber storage bag.

Gloves

I have incredibly bad circulation so a warm pair of gloves is an absolute must.

My Pick:

Marmot’s Randonnee Gloves provide excellent water resistance and can withstand repeated wet/dry cycles without cracking. Plus, they are twice as warm as many similar insulations, yet not as bulky.

Hat

No only do I have a profound love for hats, but also for men in diesel clothing. So, to at least partially get the best of both worlds, I’ve decided to marry hat and Diesel into one deliciously warm head-fashion accessory.

My Pick:

The Diesel Eyecapa Cap. This will definitely be my fashionable head warmer on the slopes as I am also mad about pompoms. Made of 80% wool and 20% nylon, I can be assured maximal warmth and a whole lotta style.

Special note here. Apparently, it takes heavy campaigning from various groups on a regular basis to keep people from swapping crotch-sickness. The 80s push for sex education has all but fizzled out, with remaining social workers and volunteers scrambling to re-educate the clueless masses. STDs aren’t over, and won’t be for a long time.

Listen people, I know you don’t want to kill the moment. I know you had enough trouble creating the opportunity in the first place, and you don’t want to miss it, but if you didn’t fully prepare, it’s your own damned fault. If you want to play Russian roulette with your man/womanhood then go ahead, but don’t be surprised when things get blistery. It happens. It’s not like being struck by lightening. It’s real, and it’s ugly.

Trojan’s trying to help, with their Evolve One Evolve All campaign you might have heard about. Here they are, trying to get your attention all over again, so that maybe you’ll listen and help contain what is (again, sadly) a growing problem. Check out their website, and watch/comment on the videos there. Talk about the videos on your site. The more you participate, the more free condoms Trojan will donate to people to get the ball rolling. Here’s one video, by the great Stephen Colbert, that’s pretty goddamn hilarious if you ask me.

So check out the site, and fer chrissake, use a condom, or the next post about this will include infection pictures.