Growing up, I remember going through my mother’s old pictures and seeing those amazing vintage shades, high-waisted bell-bottoms, beautiful long hippie dresses and strappy Jesus sandals she used to wear, pleading “Why Mom? Why? Why did you give it all away?” Now, that I’m all grown up, I walk into a store like American Apparel and wonder if they went fishing through my give-away bags when I was a kid in the 80’s. When it comes to fashion, everything comes back in cycles. What’s “new” is really just an evolution and tweak of what’s past. Here’s a post for all you 80’s kids who like me, are probably regretting all those e-Bay opportunities you must have missed seeing hipsters strut around in our old gear.

Remember these?

Slap Bracelets

 

I used to have a collection of these self-harming accessories, including my very own New Kids on the Block one. They were popular among pre-teens and teens in the late 80’s but were eventually banned from schools after many students suffered wrist injuries. Now that enough time has elapsed and people have forgotten the potential dangers of  arm jewelry that once splayed open a kid’s artery, slap bracelets are back!

Jelly Bracelets

To go with their giant hoop earrings, girls used to wear jelly bracelets up to their elbows. Mine went about half way, on one arm only, and glowed in the dark.

Fishnet Gloves

 

My mother would never let me leave the house wearing a pair of these, but the hooker-look was certainly as fashionable then as it is now.

Off-The Shoulder Sweaters

 

 

Colorful Wayferer Sunglasses

 

Flip through the pages of Nightlife or Vice and you’ll find scenesters love to hide their coke-blasted eyes behind a pair of Wayferers. My pair was neon pink and black and I used to wear them while playing my Sanyo synthesizer.

Nerd Glasses

 

Flip through the pages of Nightlife or Vice and all of a sudden that kid who used to get pointed at, or pummelled for wearing those enormously awkward, thick, plastic-rimmed glasses is a sexy, love-getting machine. The nerds finally got their revenge.

Scrunchies

 

Though the elasticity of scrunchies was sometimes debatable, I loved them because they were gentle and didn’t rip out the fragile hairs from my scalp. Scrunchies have now made a comeback, continuing to help ponytails stay high and off-centered.

Gem Sweaters

 

Gaudy, grotesque and utterly glam. For those of you have never had the privilege to see Leslie Hall sing about her gem sweaters check this out:

Leg Warmers

 

 

Certainly practical when wanting to keep those shins warm, leg warmers bring back another fond 80’s memory. Anyone else use to layer their socks?

Animal Print Leggings

 

Animal print tights used to be a girl thing. That trend seems to have extended to some guys now too.

Tapered Acid Wash Denim

 

Now, this was probably one of the most shocking comebacks I thought I would never see again. Stripping the color of the top layer of denim, acid wash jeans were sincerely hideous, but when I slipped into my skin-tight pair of acid-washed Guess jeans with zippers at the bottom, I was a rockstar. Can’t say I’m glad to see these again though.

Kid Bikes

 

Not sure how or why it is cool to ride around on your kid sister’s bike, but I’ve seen some of the baddest looking guys do it.

BMX

 

BMX will always be rad.

Peewee’s Bicylce

 

I know you are but what am I?  Unlike Peewee’s awesome bike, which could fly over rooftops, I’ve seen bikes like these being sold for over $600 with but one measly speed.

Keds

 

Now worn in white to better amass dirt.

 Converse

 

Reebok Freestyles

 

Let’s get physical.

Jellies

 

Snap-Crotch Bodysuits

 

Personally, I was never a fan of the wedgies I’d constantly tug at in snap-crotch bodysuits. Guess I’m alone on that one.

Parachute Pants

Parachute pants have been all the rage in Europe for at least five years and are slowly beginning to infiltrate the North American market. Perfect if you like the diaper look.

Cycling Shorts

 

I lived in cycling shorts, though I preferred the black neoprene ones with thick neon stripes running along the sides.

Adidas Tennis Shorts

 

Stirrup Pants

 

Any other 80’s fashions that have made a comeback, you can think of?

Uniforms serve many functions. In most basic terms, they set those wearing the uniform apart from those who aren’t; they instate order within organizations and within society; and they serve to protect the officials wearing them, crafted with specific materials and designed to maximize accessibility to necessary tools. While the uniform helps to diminish social chaos and issue a sense of order, there have been many cases throughout history, where those behind the uniform have abused power and thus attached a very negative stigma to uniforms in general. Though instilling an element of fear is a necessary constituent in asserting authority, some uniforms will never live their terrible name down and will make you want to crap your pants if you ever find yourself face-to-face with a person wearing one. Here is a short list of some.

KKK robes

It’s hard to understand how it is that a costume comprised of bed sheets and a dunce cap could be utterly, shake-in-your-boots terrifying, but the Ku Klux Klan managed to do just that, and here’s how. Symbolism played an integral role in the formation of the Ku Klux Klan. The name, derived from the Greek word kuklos (meaning circle) and klan (from the English word clan) meaning brotherhood, represented the unity of white supremacists. And what could be more symbolic of white power and unity than white wizard robes.

But aside from looking like creepy Merlins, inspiration for the uniform came from the dress of slave patrolmen from the Civil War era who patrolled areas looking for escaped slaves. Klansmen believed that “superstitious blacks” would think they were the ghosts of Confederate soldiers. They would even put sheets on their horses to make them look like ghost horses. On some of the KKK robes, members would wind red thread around the seams and in the mouth and eye areas, to give the impression of being “blood thirsty” ghosts. [Source]. The masks and robes hid Klan members’ identities as most of them lived in small towns and could be easily recognized and prosecuted for free-lance violence.

SS uniform

Likely one of the most recognizable and fear-instilling uniforms of the century, the SS uniform was designed by Prof. Karl Diebitsch and graphic designer Walter Heck and manufactured by Hugo Boss. (Yes, before becoming a world-renowned fashion empire, from 1933 until the end of the war, Hugo Boss produced the Nazis black uniforms along with the brown SA shirts and the black-and-brown uniforms of the Hitler Youth.)

The black SS uniform was introduced in 1932 by Reich SS leader, Heinrich Himmler replacing the SA brown shirts. Although I think we’re all guilty of having yearned for an Albino in uniform at one time or another, the uniforms, coupled with the pale, blond-hair, blued-eyed officers that wore them, were meant to look anything but friendly. Inspired by Benito Mussolini’s Blackshirts (the nickname for the Fasci di Combattimenti), black was a popular color with fascist movements, was meant to foster fear and assert authority, not to mention look aggressive and evil.

In 1935 certain SS units were issued grey uniforms with the same cut as the black ones in order to better differentiate roles within the party. [Source].

Adolph Hitler designed the Nazi party flag using red, white and black, a return to the colors of the old German Empire flag. The swastika, (a symbol which in the Indian subcontinent is still used as a religious symbol of good fortune, not to mention one of mankind’s oldest symbols) became the central emblem of Nazism- a symbol of the Aryan cultural descent of the German people. Hitler used the German word “hakenkreuz” to describe this symbol, the translation meaning “hooked cross”. According to cryptologist and symbologist, Dr. Rex Curry, the hakenkreuz was a morphing of the letter S, which stood for “socialism” and the overlapping “S” represented socialists joining together as the National German Workers Party.

The Black and Tans

Sent to Ireland to assist the Royal Irish Constabulary (RIC) against the Irish Republican Army (IRA) and the fast-spreading anti-British sentiment, the Black and Tans were mostly comprised of ex-British army officers, acting more like an occupation army than a police force protecting the people. They came to be known for terrorizing local communities in Ireland. Due to a shortage of RIC uniforms, the Black and Tans were issued khaki military trousers and dark green police tunics, which is how they acquired the name Black and Tans. They had minimal police training and a vehement reputation for brutality. To give you an idea of why the Black and Tans have held such a terrible reputation among the Irish, this excerpt from a speech by a division commander of the RIC to his constables, Lt. Col. Smyth, encapsulates why:

“….If a police barracks is burned or if the barracks already occupied is not suitable, then the best house in the locality is to be commandeered, the occupants thrown into the gutter. Let them die there - the more the merrier. Police and military will patrol the country at least five nights a week. They are not to confine themselves to the main roads, but make across the country, lie in ambush and, when civilians are seen approaching, shout “Hands up!” Should the order be not immediately obeyed, shoot and shoot with effect. If the persons approaching carry their hands in their pockets, or are in any way suspicious-looking, shoot them down. You may make mistakes occasionally and innocent persons may be shot, but that cannot be helped, and you are bound to get the right parties some time. The more you shoot, the better I will like you, and I assure you no policeman will get into trouble for shooting any man …”

Georgian Riot Police

These freaky-Mickey Mouse masked riot police are another prime example of fear-instilling uniform. A five day rally that took place in the Georgian capital of Tbilisi in November of 2007 ended with police beating demonstrators and shooting fleeing protesters with rubber bullets while trying to disperse anti-government demonstrations. Riot police evicted a small group that had camped on the steps of parliament, including more than a dozen people on a hunger strike, and arrested several opposition leaders. According to media reports, the police prevented journalists from filming the incident, and confiscated and destroyed several television cameras. [Source]. Riot police, without warning, attacked using tear gas, rubber bullets and water cannons.

Peruvian Riot Police

What looks like a scene from Judgment Day, this picture was taken during a parade celebrating Peru’s Independence Day. It’s always comforting to see how well the government equips itself against its own people.

Any other suggestions to add to this list are gladly welcome.

*UPDATE*
The Black Panthers

Though the Black Panthers initially established themselves as an organization to promote socialist and nationalist doctrines, Black Power and protect African-American neighborhoods from police brutality, the group’s militant and often violent tactics came to overshadow their primary motives. Because California law permitted the carrying of a loaded rifle or shotgun (as long as it was publicly displayed)- the Panthers took advantage of this and developed a reputation for being a violent organization. Members were encouraged to carry guns to defend themselves but whereas some members had joined in order to support Panther’s social programs, others held more of “street mentality” and acted more like a gang.

Street ball players making it big coined the term baller to mean someone who has it good. Someone who has it made (e.g. no financial worries). This was generally exhibited by big displays of said wealth in the form of gold and diamonds. If you cannot afford it, you ain’t baller. Feeeel meeee? Bill Cosby is going to hate this article.

PIMP cups a.k.a. crunk cups, a.k.a. pimp goblets

A king needs his goblet to toast his followers. A pimp requires his pimp goblet to cheers his bitches. The more diamonds and gold on a cup is made of the more baller of a baller you are. That is the logic of the streets (more specifically suburban streets where the middle class make baller-ass goblets to feel urban).

Thanks to lil’ John it just isn’t quite a house party in the burbs without someone shouting “get crunk” and waving around a hand painted glass covered in rhinestones. Isn’t life better now that bad rap producers have entered the meme. Also many people have suggested that they would like to see 2 girls, 1 pimp cup someday.

Gold Chains & Big Necklaces

One of the best rap duos out there at the moment is two guys out of Chicago called the cool kids. What makes them great is that they are a complete throw back to the mid 80s when rap was rap. When you could write a song about eating fruity pebbles and playing video games, truly this was a golden age for the music. I’m not calling current rap overly commercial, it just rings too closely to what 80s hair metal was. Overly escapist, materialistic and stale, that’s how I would describe it. The cool kids throw it back when all you needed was a little bit of gold and a pager. That’s how you’re supposed to keep it real.

Some cool chains as worn by attractive women, bought from who knows which

Another amusing trend was bounties being placed on famous necklaces worn by rappers. In some cases the necklace becomes more famous than the actual rapper. For example the Platinum H around the neck of Yung Joc. The H stands for hustlenomics. Hustlenomics has yet to be recognized by Websters. No definition available. The chain was reportedly stolen by some guys out in London, or not. No one is really sure.

Just a quick note here by De la Soul. The chain does not make the man. M F Doom has a song where he says, “I’m the Best Rapper who doesn’t wear a chain.”

bad ass.

Iced Out Watches

I got so much ice on my wrist if I touch a keyboard the computer freezes. That’s why I have a Vietnamese person write everything I tell them too. Cause the watch only comes off when I die.

Big bling watches are newer to the game. They did not really start to get noticed till the turn of the century. Jacob the Jeweler was first mentioned in a rap song in 1999 by Jay-z. Since then he has been mentioned in over 40 songs by various rap artists. His style of watches has been duplicated for the streets and now you can buy a cheap replica for about twelve dollars. Remember when swatch sponsored a Run DMC (the guys who played that song with Aerosmith) tour back in the early 80s? I don’t because I wasn’t born for another three years. You are old.

Schooly D had a song back in the day called Gucci Time about his brand new Gucci watch. Having these kind of watches was a symbol that you had made it. You could afford nice things and so you showed them off. Ice round my wrist suckas!

You need to be rolling on them twenty-twos. The bigger the rim the more fierce you are in the game. I think that is self explanatory. What says ballah! besides something that is pointless, expensive and bad for the environment. Need something chromed out? Hell Yeah! Want something golded out? Most Definitely. Need something chromed out? Even Better.

Big pimping!

If you balla you don’t worry about squalor. Life is on easy street.Things go by real nice. You are at the head of the game. Keep it good and clean and your gonna stay that way. The problem though is once you show flash that’s when people start to notice you. When people notice you they want what you have and are willing to take it from you. Gotta be up in there ready to protect what’s yours.

This Poster of Bill Murray says:

“Hey you, Yeah, the one sitting at your computer reading this, The Apple iPhone is now out in Canada. You could buy one, have it encrusted in Jewels and then shoot it into space. I do that three times a day because I am a poster of Bill Murray and I am rich.”

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